1. You feel some kind of urge to wear bad clothes.
I've always been a jeans and t shirt kinda gal but after Aden I have this need to wear ann taylor loft and mid-rise pants. My excuse of my terrible wardrobe? I'm a mom. Duh. I think it gets worse in winter when you NEED to wear comfy WARM clothes and apparently they don't make such things that are good looking as well. So what if i'm wearing purple corduroy pants? They feel good.
See? They aren't THAT bad when you have a longer shirt on.... right?
2. No matter how much rhythm you previously had, you cannot resist the "mom dance".
It's true. I was a ballet dancer for years and years and I think I was a good "regular" dancer. Now I can't seem to get any other moves down other than bopping awkwardly up and down with my mouth open (it's a peterson thing) and arms flailing. I seriously tried hard to go out dancing and I'm pretty sure I just embarrassed myself. It's okay, I told everyone watching that "IT'S OKAY, WE'RE MOMS"
3. When you pass a mom/dad with a child you automatically give them one of two looks.
You either give them the "I totally know what you are going through" sympathetic look or the "been there done that, thank god i'm out of it" smirk. No conversation needed. Just a sympathetic look. Or, the best is when you see a mom with a newborn and your kid is having a tantrum and she gets the "Oh shit that phase is coming" look.
4. You can't call anyone the right name. Ever.
I swear, even with just Aden I can never call him the right name. I'll end up calling him Teddy or Ryan or Frankie... turning "ADEN STOP THAT" into "TED-RY-FRA-ADEN STOP THAT"
5. You replace regular words with kid-friendly words- no matter how goofy they sound.
I now understand why my mom used - and still uses- the words potty, creep, and jerk. I swear we weren't allowed to say "I need to pee" until we were in high school. I don't necessarily say "potty"...yet... but I do say things like "lovey" and "snuggle" and "doggie". And apparently i've developed some kind of accent because I find myself saying "mummy".
6. Your car reeks of horrible children's cd's that you listen to even when your kid isn't in the car.
Veggie Tales bible songs are forever implanted in my poor brain and it feels goooood. Laurie Berkner is one of my favorite kid artist's and I voluntarily play by myself. But come on, are there any songs that are even semi-appropriate on the radio? Aden doesn't even need to know about break breakin' hearts or being a little freak and especially not how to dance like a stripper.
7. Shower time is what you look forward to the most.
I would say that bed time is #1 but if anyone isn't aware--- kids don't always sleep through the night. Either they are teething or sick or have become aware that things are going on that they aren't a part of. Who wants to go to bed knowing they have to wake up (and stay up) in a couple hours? Shower time, however, is like a mini spa retreat. You can just stand there for as long as you like (with a monitor in the bathroom with you of course) and enjoy yourself. Any bathroom time is precious. The bathroom is my favorite place of all time and I will hang out in there for hours... no lie.
8. By the end of the day, you always have a stain somewhere on your clothes.
It doesn't matter how many outfit changes you do in one day. Even if you are wearing an outfit for 15 minutes, you will get pooped on, vomited on, spit on, food flung on, bled on... SOMETHING.