Sunday, July 1, 2012

The Aden Whisperer

I know, I know.. I have been on an extremely long hiatus. Apparently working at night, going to school, and having a 3 year old doesn't really allow time for a blog.. who knew? But now I am back, and intend to act like this long break never happened. For many reasons.

Aden has become the polar opposite of how I was when I was a child. He is not shy in the least bit, he has more energy than 4 of me put together, he is stubborn, he is loud (okay that might be from me), he is independent.. I could go on. Ryan is very good with Aden because he knows what is going through his head... because he has thought it all before. But the person who knows how to speak to Aden and really get him to listen is none other than Grandpa Fred (Ryan's Dad).

I'm pretty sure it's because Fred has already raised Ryan, and Aden and Ryan are exactly the same person. He doesn't raise his voice, he is extremely patient, he knows exactly what to say.. it's unbelievable. I am so jealous that Fred has this kind of patience with Aden because I certainly do not.

Aden is quite mischievous. I could go on for days and days with stories about my little red headed child. But I have to start with some of my favorites (and most recent).

Your Phone is Ringing
I don't think I ever though 3 year olds could be manipulative, that is, until I had one of my own. He will get something he isn't supposed to have (i.e, ice cream) put it behind is back, come up to me and tell me either "your phone is ringing, you better check it." or "the water ho is running, go turn it off" knowing full well that if I leave the room he can sneak ice cream. Guess how many times that has worked?

None. Unfortunately for him, I was not born yesterday.

The Nailpolish Story
A few weeks back, Aden had gotten into the fridge. I got a trash bag and tied it shut (Stay classy, Ellyn) and after doing so I heard silence. I go upstairs and find Aden running towards me. He always runs to me after he's done something bad. He sticks out his foot and shows me his freshly painted toenails. Oh dear Jesus. "Did you paint those yourself?" "yes. and I painted the bafroom".. I check our bathroom...nothing. This can only mean one thing... I half-cover my eyes as I walk into my parents, all white, sparkling clean bathroom. Nail polish everywhere. Bright PINK nail polish. On the white floor, the polka dotted rugs, the handles of the cabinets, the towels. Everywhere. Being the rational human I am, I immediately break down in tears... because you know.. the world might end from this. It took FOREVER to clean up. The rugs still have some nail polish on them but that's it, thank goodness. I think at this point, that takes the cake for one of the worst things Aden has done. He was honestly so proud of the fact that he painted his toenails. This is the day I learned that Aden could twist off caps. Very quickly. This is also the day that baby gates and door locks became implemented again. They will not come down until he is 17.

The Week of Spearmint
My son has a thing for gum. Not just any gum. Specifically mint gum. I guess I wouldn't have such a problem with it if he didn't SWALLOW it. I don't know where he first got gum, or why he has such a fascination with it, but he does. And it is creepy.

One afternoon, I could not find Aden anywhere. I had just gone to the bathroom- with the door open- surely he could not have gone far. I go into my room and hear faint rustling in the closet. Oh great. Maybe he jacked the brownie mix from the pantry and exploded it in my closet again. No. This time he was sitting in the dark in the closet, holding a pack of gum in his left hand, with an empty pack of gum (previously 1/2 full) next to him. My son was eating Spearmint gum in a dark closet, like a crack addict. I took it away from him, furious of course, and the entire time Aden just kept saying "I need it. I NEED it. I NEED GUM!" Do you think there is rehab for gum eaters? Needless to say, Aden smelled of spearmint for a week. Since the incident, gum is now stored in a secret compartment of my purse, which is located on the top shelf of the closet.

However that story is nothing compared to when Ryan found Aden behind a chair in the living room with my bottle of root beer and a pack of gum. Note to parents: If you are ever trying to locate your kid, and they come bolting out from somewhere... something's wrong, wrong wrong.

The R.Kelly Event
Aden has a big thing with playing naked. I'm totally cool with it, as long as he doesn't become really focused on his little... parts. I was laying on my stomach on my bed, and Aden came and jumped on my back.. he wasn't wearing pants. I wasn't too phased about it until I feel his little legs stand half-way up, in a squatting kind of position and I feel a warm sensation on the back of my neck. "DID YOU JUST PEE ON ME?!" Aden nodded, clearly proud of his work. My child just peed on me. On purpose. And is proud. If that's not birth control ladies and gentleman, I don't know what is. Run away. Run far, far away.

The Poop Deck
I had a very hard time potty training Aden. I mean a VERY hard time. He will be 3 1/2 in August and he just stopped wearing overnight diapers. He really could not get the hang of pooping in the toilet.

One day when I was making lunch, Aden comes in from being in the backyard and told me the dog had pooped on the deck. I go look at it. This is weird for two reasons. 1) The dogs weren't outside, and they don't poop on the deck. 2) That does NOT look like dog poop. Aden must have known what I was thinking because he finally said "I did it. That's mine!" Yeah. My kid just pooped on the deck. And I picked it up with a grocery bag. This has to be a lifetime low for sure.

The Lion and The Hippo
I asked Aden to read me a story. The story he came up with by looking at the "baby animals" book was quite interesting...

"The Lion said 'I want ice cream'. The hippo said 'you're gonna choke on it'. The Lion said 'CHOKE ON THIS!' and then ate ice cream."

The way he said it I was half expecting him to whip out a "suck it" gesture. Things have gone terribly wrong.

All for now.

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